I like this with a tiny quibble. The sixth line sticks in my craw, metrically. I might change it to "dismantle thick this laid reserve". I have this theory that one can be quite liberal with word re-arrangement, without significantly affecting meaning. Been playing around with that a lot. That's just me. I could be wrong.
3 comments:
Thank you., Wendy! I feel it needs another couplet, but I fear I have gone off writing again for the time being. I hope I get back to it soon.
I like this with a tiny quibble. The sixth line sticks in my craw, metrically. I might change it to "dismantle thick this laid reserve". I have this theory that one can be quite liberal with word re-arrangement, without significantly affecting meaning. Been playing around with that a lot. That's just me. I could be wrong.
I like that change! Thanks.
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