revision #2
Emily sees frost
on the window. Midwinter,
Franklin stove sighs. March
hangs like a purple hat on
the Homestead door: just too far.
-------------------------------------
Emily walks a
mile on hardwood, circles
the Franklin stove. March
hangs like a purple hat on
the homestead door: just too far.
1 comment:
The second one (I couldn't tell which was the revision) has better meter I think. And a better sense of movement. I like the "walks a mile on hardwood". First one seems more static and less rhythmic. The "March" line is great in either case.
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